"All i wanted was a whooper w/cheese."

O_o

I watched. Paused. Rewound, & watched again and yet im still in utter and total amazement. Noseriously there is something seriously wrong with all the ppl in this video including the cameraman. Not only is this bitch pregnant and fighting(not to mention that shes holding her own while getting jumped multiple times, one even being a guy) she apparently is on the hoe stroll as well smh so is every chick in the video. She is trolloping her pregnant hoe ass around in see-through hot pink tights looking a hawt mess. Lord Jesus forgive them bc they know not what they do. Arrest should be made asap. There are not only criminal offenses taking place but extreme fashion faux pas as well ughhhh how dreadful, im gonna pray for these ppl

A french fry & a burp away...

Now we all have that ONE friend thats a lil on the hefty side, like the bitch is a french fry and a burp away from being obese. Unfortunately she thinks she's the shit but unbeknownst to her people are talking about her literal fat ass in a not-so flattering way. In short....the bitch needs to run some laps and subscribe to the South Beach Diet ASAP before her situation becomes a serious problem.

If you think bc u have a fat ass that nothing else matters, sweetie your sadly mistaken. If your comfortable with the fact that the only thing that attracts attention is ur ass and nothing else then i applaud your shallowness and it will be you and ur ass against the world alone bc no real man will ever wife a chick with an ass but no brain. A fat ass is not a trump card, God did not stop making asses when he made yours so it wud be wise to acquire something else to accompany that ass of yours. Lets be real, most bitchez with big butts are not that cute in the face, no shade, but it just is what it is. Im not hating, just speaking the truth.

I never realized how far a fat ass could get you until one weekend i spent in Atlantic City with my bitchez. One of our friends has an abnormally large ass & it was the craze all weekend. Thanks to her ass we got to chill in VIP with the likes of Rick Ross, Fabolous, & Red Cafe all weekend. Now that was all fine and dandy, and i definitely was enjoying myself but my issue was that not one, i mean NOT ONE guy looked at her face the entire time. All eyes were on her butt, and nothing else. She could have looked like Shrek and niggaz wudnt have cared; all they saw was ass, and a big one at that. She seemed perfectly find with that, but i wud feel like i was selling myself short, i wud be highly offended and used. Sure i like attention, but it seemed like she was getting all the wrong attention. Once again this is not hate, just my observations. (Im secure in my ability to turn heads when i walk in a room, i might not have a fat ass or large boobs, but my presence commands attention, and im cool with that). Now, our friend is not the cutest on the block but like all cliques everybody has their individual strengths and purposes, hers is her ass and the perks that come along with it, and im not mad at that.

Lets be clear about something, though she has a fat ass, it is not the most put together. It lacks structure and definition. To be frank....its fat,nasty, and out of shape....damnnnnnnn no shade. Hold up i kno yall are prolly like 'how can she talk about her friend like that?' but dont make any mistakes about it im using the word friend very loosely, she is in fact a friend of a friend and i only tolerate her bc of that. Noseriously she's like a sesame seed away.........

Okay let me stop going IN on her, she never did anything to me so i wont bagger her any longer but the fact that she has a nasty ass attitude and treats my friend like shit sometimes royally pisses be off, and she deserves this read. Honestly i just want my friend to sit her down and let her ass know she needs to join a gym as soon as possible. But truthfully could you tell your friend something like that? Essentially what your saying is 'get your fat ass in the gym and lose some weight...your an embarrassment and its not cute.'[NOTE: saying 'no shade' in this situation will not alleviate the blow....proceed with caution] Im glad i dont have fat friends bc idk wtf i would do lol

O_o

Now this is just wrong on so many levels. Her HUGE fake ass needs to sit the fuck down somewhere but wait....i wonder if she can even sit down right after all that shit pumped up in her ass it has to be uncomfortable. Smh all this bitch will EVER be used for is backshots, her life will never amount to nothing more than being somebody's whore smh another black girl lost.

no shade...

"I was drunk so he doesn't count!"

Ladies lets be real for 2.5 seconds, WE ALL LIE ABOUT OUR # OF SEXUAL PARTNERS for whatever reason. If we say 5…we meant 20. If we say 2 we meant 8, and if we say a guy is our first…that just means we can’t remember any of their names. Not to blow up spots but guys the general rule of thumb is- take the number she admits to and double it, and that gives you about half of the real number…maybe.

Why lie, right? Well heres a list of possible reasons why a chick might lie about the number of guys she smashed:

• If we tell the truth you might think we’re a hoe and HELLO! We all know the old adage – “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” (not to say we want to be a house wife, or any other kind of wife anyway but still).
• You thought we were so sweet and innocent, we don’t want to burst your bubble. Maybe we're just a tad bit ashamed.
• If you knew the real number you’d know I was lying when I said you were the “best”, the “biggest”, the “only one I let put his dick in mouth”, etc. etc. Honesty might be the best policy – but sometimes the truth hurts. We are trying to protect your ego.

Most men say they want a woman with some experience, but they don’t want to feel like she’s got more miles on her then his SUV. This is probably the main reason we women lie.

Women often try to justify their distortions. Some women use very complicated personal rules, like, ‘It doesn’t count because I only had sex with him once,’ ‘I don’t really remember that guy that well, so he’s off the list,’ ‘I was drunk, so he doesn’t count,’” and the list goes on…i had a long enough list to take up 8 pages …Here are my favorites.

Reasons not to count a sexual partner, and other legal rules and clauses (some might actually hold up in a court of law)

1. The sex was trash

2. It was only anal or only oral (what exactly classifies as “sex” anyway?)

3. It was a one night stand

4. Your mother had a baby by him

5. You don’t know his name (first, last, or nick)

6. It was a quickie ( 10 minute rule in effect – anything less doesn’t count)

7. It happened on a ski trip, Vegas, All Star Weekend or Spring break ( what happens there stays there, you’re not supposed to remember anything)

8. You were drinking, drunk, smoking, or taking “something”

9. You subtract one fuck buddy by default every 4 years

10. Your number of sexual partners is more than double your age

11. You don’t remember

12. He’s not a known actor, celebrity, or even remotely “cool”.

13. He is a she- licking coochie is not “intercourse”

14. The dude was someone no one knows and no one can ever find out

15. He’s dead

16. Anyone besides your husband after you are married

17. If you fucked more then one person in 24 hours or less it counts as an incident; there is no need for you to count each individual

18. If you moved out of state – clean slate!

19. I didn’t come!

20. If you become a born again virgin- your past sexual relations can be deleted from your memory (I usually become born again every 6 months or so.)

21. He only put the head in

22. He didn’t come in me ( mouths, and anus’s don’t count as “in”)

23. Did I mention I DIDN’T FUCKING COME!

24. He wore a condom – so like there was really no contact

25. The dick was little – almost like it never even went in.

26. Slept with? – We didn’t sleep at all

27. the record label shelved his second album – as if I’d dare admit to fucking his non label having ass

28. Anyone done before the age of 21- you didn’t know what you were doing

29. The lights were off, so technically you have no confirmation if anything actually happened or not.

30. You slipped and fell on it.

Can you spot the bottom?

No shade but all 3 are looking mighty zesty in this pic hmmmmmm HOW YOU DOIN?

“I think I’m Big Meech, Larry Hoover...”

Whether its Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Manuel Noriega, Pablo Escobar, or Frank Lucas, the hip hop culture glamorizes these criminals and their enterprises. While some actually live this “gangster” lifestyle others create fictitious tales in order to solidify their position in hip hop, often times adopting their names to gain further authenticity, i.e. N.O.R.E, Rick Ross, & Nas. But my question is, why would you want to be any of these men, they’re all either in prison serving very lengthy sentences or dead? It’s amazing how the hip hop culture as a whole monopolizes on the lifestyles of drug kingpins and murderers. We’re attracted to the trills and risky existence of organized crime, idolizing Mafiosos and crime kingpins. It can be argued that growing up and any urban environment and triumphing closely chronicles the lives’ of these “gangsters,” however, success in the music industry is suppose to be measured by the ability to sell records yet today being able of tell fantasized and fictional narratives about organized crime and self indulgences seems to be what breeds success. Rappers are making millions of dollars by exploiting these drug lords’ names and images, but is this fair? Is it just to capitalize off the rise & fall of another only to gain success and fame? In any other facile of life this is unacceptable and rappers need to be accountable for their actions or lack of. It is copyright infringement to make money off of a name, image, or text that was not originally yours without permission from the creator.

In recent news, a lawsuit was filed against rapper Rick Ross, real name is William Roberts who adopted his rap name from a well known “American Gangster” by the name of “Freeway Ricky Ross”. The original Ross is claiming that rapper Ross stole his name and image in order to promote and sell millions of records without his consent. Ross is seeking to receive 50% of Roberts’ royalties; in addition Ross was also looking to block the release of Roberts’ upcoming album entitled Teflon Don, however this was overturned. The lawsuit is still pending and the outcome will have a tremendous impact on the hip hop culture. If the original Ross wins this lawsuit it can be expected that plenty of other drug kingpins and their family members will come forth seeking compensation for their unjust exploitation as well. I agree with this 100%, like they say: hit them where it hurts - their pockets. Maybe then will we cease to capitalize off the misfortunes of others, turning real life into some commercial, Hollywood ish.

"My feet hurt..."

Riddle me this: if they hurt why wear them or why even buy them in the first place? I'm not in the business to sit around and hear you bitch and moan all night about how your busted ass feet hurt. Bitch you betta go barefoot, sit down or drink until you pass out. I dont understand why chicks agree to go out in the first place when all they're gonna do is sit down all night, complain about everything and everybody, and try to make you just as miserable as they are...shiiit the fuck if you will, im here to get my drink and party on and i'll be damned if i leave early just bc you dont know your correct shoe size hmph. I will gladly give you my keys so you can go sit your ole miserable ass down in the car and wait until im ready to leave. I swear i hate friends like this. Dont get me wrong 9 times out of 10 my feet hurt in the club but this only means that i havent had enough to drink to numb the pain, i will gladly proceed to the bar to alleviate this problem. Simple as that. I never make it everybody's issue. Its so selfish and inconsiderate to carry on this huge tirade & catch an attitude bc YOUR feet hurt, WHY SHOULD I CARE OR FEEL SORRY FOR YOU? I'm sorry i dont & thats all shade.

We have a friend that is NOTORIOUS for this bullshit. We have to make sure we tell her ahead of time to wear comfortable shoes bc she will be taking a cab home but our words always fall on deaf ears. We'll be in the club for no more than 45mins and she'll have this look on her face that says it all "my feet hurt," 5 mins later she's sitting down smh and plz dont let there be nowhere to sit or she was forced to get up bc she was sitting in bottle service only seats bc we are now forced to hear her rant about her hurting feet. I much rather for her to sit down away from us than stand around us with the stankest attitude raining on our parade. That shit blows me and i get so aggravated, i deadass be wanting to step on both her feet to make it worst *evil laugh* lol noseriously bitch bye, go be lonely and sit on the toilet, away from me, i cant deal with negative energy. Then the bitch barely drinks so its not like we can get the bitch drunk nshit, she's just an all around party poopper and the bitch needs to stay home. Im not wasting my money going anywhere with her ANYMORE!

End rant

no shade....

Weave 101

Hey bitchez i kno its been a while but im back and i have a slew of shit to talk about...hmmmm where shall i start....

I am so effin tired of seeing bitchez with European Straight weaves in their hair when their REAL hair is Kunta Kinte fresh off the slave ship NAPPY, like wtf did you not notice that the texture of your hair does NOT resemble silk but rather sandpaper? The object of the weave game is tryin to make it appear to be your real hair but apparently you never grasped that concept either that or u just dont give a fuck which is sad. Noseriously this is a FLAGRANT offense and its oh so disrespectful, black women we HAVE to do better and it starts with our image, your hair being a crucial aspect of that. I dont know how many times i run across blatant weave fouls, im not even gonna get on the hideous travesty called a "lace-front" but let me just say that a weave can be your best friend so treat her well.

When you take your trip to the hair store you should allot about 45-60mins for this trip, choosing the right weave should not be rushed, after all you have to live with this new hair for atleast a month. Anyway, that Chinese/Korean muthafucka will try to sell you ANYTHING, mainly the most expensive type of hair, pay him no mind, he doesn't know the shit about black hair but how to make money off of it & rape your pockets. Weave is just like clothes: just bc they make it in your hair color does not mean it looks good on you so make sure you take the hair out of the package and place it up to ur hair and look in a mirror to make sure it matches not only the color of your hair but the texture as well, this is a critical part in the weave selection process. A rule of thumb that should be used when trying to pick out the perfect hair is identify the texture of your own hair when its washed and blown out without grease or oil added, then find the weave that matches that state of your hair the best.

STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM SYNTHETIC HAIR ughhhhh having synthetic weave automatically puts you in the bum bitch category, no shade but that IS the shade. Essentially Remy hair is suppose to be the best(most expensive) packaged hair but this is not always the case. Just bc its Remy does not mean it will blend well with your hair type. I get so tired of bitchez mentioning that "this is Remy" like it makes it okay for your edges to not match that "Remy". IDGAF if its Remy or Princess, if it doesnt match your hair its not for you so shut that Remy shit up, Remy is not a stamp of approval that automatically excludes you for the bum bitch category. After all you prolly spent your rent money on that Remy smh SHADE. I buy my hair by the ounce from a place called Lugos which is the BEST. You can pick the texture, color, length, and even get colors and textures mixed if you want. Packaged hair, not even Remy, doesnt have shit on it but thats just my opinion, heres the website if you care www.lugohair.com

The next step in the weave process is finding somebody to install it. YES i mean "install" bc it entails that only a PROFESSIONAL should do it, #deathto kitchen jobs. Im all for saving money nshit but having Kiki from up the street do it in her mother's kitchen just bc she thought about cosmetology school does not make her fit to do your hair, im just saying. Your weave should be sewed in NEVER glued. STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM WEAVE GLUE, it is Satan reincarnated in liquid form, & smells like SHIT. If you constantly glue your weaves in you will not have any hair, i repeat YOU WILL BE BALD AS FUCK, you might as well just wax your scalp bc every time you take that glue out ur ripping sum of your hair out and theres a good chance that it will not grow back if you are constantly putting that strain on it.

There is science to doing weaves and i like to think of myself as a weave connoisseur - bitch i know a good weave job when i see one. When the wind blows, a track should not fall out of place, ur shit should be laid riiiight, having bitchez gaggin cuz your "real" hair is down your back. The top of our weave should not come to a point like ur a freakin conehead or something. There is nothing worst than a shinny ass weave, it has no business on your black head *insert picture of Frankie here* If you get a curly or wet & wavy weave plz kno how to blend your hair to match that texture as well, braid, twist, curl, crimp, do whatever you have to do to make your hair that texture, it is unacceptable to just gel your real hair back and expect that to work, you look dumb and dirty especially bc half of yall use that black gel that crusts up and leaves black residue all over ur ears and edges ughhh GAG

Last but not least, PLEASE take care of your weave. After its put in is not the end, in fact its the beginning. Weave maintenance is a MUST. Wash it often, just take care of it as if its growing out of your scalp. Dirty weaves = a dirty pussy PERIOD. If you do not know how to take care of your own hair dont get a weave and expect it to grow arms and comb itself bc you will look like a fool smh invest in a weave brush and brush that bitch OFTEN, your hair should not look like a bird's nest. And bitchez yall are dead wrong for allowing your "friends" to roam the streets looking a WHOLE mess. Tracks should not be showing and her real hair should not be sticking up like antennas smh i can go all day on this topic but to conclude weave isnt for everybody but like they say if you cant grow it sew it but at least sew sum realistic shit onto your scalp.

no shade...