Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Hairless Banshee!


What it you found out the guy you were dealing with shaved his bikini line? Matter of fact, he shaved his entire pubic area? And im not talking about a lil trim here and there to get the bush to a minimum, im talking about FULL BLOWN no hair at all, bald as a baby's bottom. WTF wud you do?

I was over this guy's house one day during the winter. I've known this guy since 2005 & we're pretty cool. Anyway i went to use the bathroom and me being the inquisitive person that i am just did a little looking around aka snooping (lol). I open up one of his cabinets and all this shit came tumbling down which scared the shit out of me. I paused for a second, making sure he didn't hear me then i started picking everything up to put it back in its rightful place. As im putting these items back, i run across a bottle of Nair, and another, and another. Im like WHOA some chick is really trying to make her presence known. Then i run across about 5 different sized razors, sum shaving creaming, & hydrocortisone cream. Immediately im like this chick shaves alot but i really didnt think much of it. I finished up in the bathroom & then joined him back in the living room. Being the upfront person that i am i asked him who's shit that was. He asked what was i talking about and i quickly made up a lil fib about me looking for a band-aid when i opened up the cabinet and all this shit came tumbling down on my head, the Nair being one of those items. To my surprise and as nonchalant as humanly possible he responded with "they're mine" O________o.........

Hold up....you dont understand, i stared at him with the blankest look waiting for him to tell me he was just playing but that never happened. I wanted to high tail my yellow ass outta there so fast, it wasnt funny but i remained cool, calm, & collected just to get sum type of explanation that wud somehow make me feel a lil bit better about the situation but that never happened either. He went on about his business like he just didn't reveal to me that he uses Nair - a hair removal product for females. I am by no means a homophobe, i love the kids HOWEVER i am terrified of encountering "down low brothers" & the only thing going through my mind right now is - he secretly Nair's his man-gina. At this point he's rambling about God knows what, i am the least bit interested all i want to know is wtf do you need Nair for?

The night continues and he ends up getting up to take a shower, all the while im still thinking about this Nair fiasco not aware that im about to find out exactly what its used for. Im sitting on the couch, with my back to the bathroom. Next thing i know he's coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waste and what looks to be shaving cream on his legs, arms, and chest. Upon further inspection and the pungent odor of rotten eggs did i discover that it wasnt shaving cream, it was in fact Nair....i died...i stared...i died again. My eyes started to burn from the strong ass odor that i had to excuse myself and go out onto the porch to get sum fresh air. WTF just happened? i know this nigga didnt have Nair on his legs, arms, and chest? What kind of bitch shit? Is he on the down low? All these questions were going through my mind at this time. I guess i was outside a lil too long in the dead of winter that he came out to check on me. I said i was cool but was a lil tired so im going to head home, still unfazed my reactions he said okay.

I stopped talking to this guy for about two months. I ignored his phone calls & text messages, i was just too freaked out. I cud get over a man being a lil metrosexual but using Nair is a whole different ball game. Anyway one day i decided to answer one of his phone calls and made up a lie about me being too busy blah blah blah to make a long story short he basically started telling me how he was getting into body building and how his life has been real hectic lately with the training and everything. The subject was kinda intriguing so i began to ask questions like: how do you train? what do you eat? etc. So we get on the topic of getting prepared the night b4 a show and he revealed that ideally you do not want any hair on your body bc #1 it adds on to ur weight & it just looks better to be oily and hairless. So he has to shave his ENTIRE body. Arms, legs, chest, back, ass, & yes the pubs too which explains the Nair, i guess. i felt a lil better but it still weirded me out. He said he cant shave certain parts of his body bc he breaks out thats why he uses the Nair *wipes sweat off forehead* wheew what a relief, so he's not on the down low after all. THE END!


no shade...

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