Bar/Nightclub Etiquette...Really?!

Instead of giving you paragraphs of what NOT to do while out at bars and nightclubs, I have simply complied a list.

And it goes a little somethin', like this...

1. Keep it cute. This encompasses many different tragic things that I see out at clubs and bars. Although it is pretty broad, it is very basic and simple. Let's keep shoes on; lip stick off the teeth, lets not sweat our hair out, lets keep the make up from running off our face, please shave your legs and armpits, keep your cha-cha covered at all times, and lets stop this sex on the dance floor.
2. If you're on a budget, stay your ass at home. I hate...HATE listening to people ask the bartender how much this cost, and how much that costs. If you have to do some basic accounting before you can order a drink, your priorities are in the wrong places and you need to go home. Asking how much something costs is only acceptable when ordering a drink that the bartender does not know how to make. Which leads me to...
3. Order what you know. There is a time and place for ordering new shit, like at TGI Fridays or Ruby Tuesday, when you have time and patience to school a bartender on how to make a specific drink, or try a new one. While out at a bar, get what you know! Make it easy for the bartender, who has to make a million other drinks and does not have the time to complete a full SAT prep in order to figure out how to make this drink. And usually when you get what you know, you're ready for the price tag and there is no need to ask how much.
4. Ladies, the club bathroom is not your personal space. This one specifically is for the ladies who stand around in the bathroom staring in the mirror, taking up all the damn sinks so that everyone else must wait to just wash their hands and leave because you need to glue a track back in! I can't stand these kinds of women with a passion, because if you need to stand in the bathroom and get ready then maybe you should have spent more time at home in your mirror. Club bathrooms are for reapplying lipgloss and actually going to the bathroom, not a full beauty session.
5. Fellas, there are no walls so you know we can see you? Don't you hate the one brother who floats around the club going from woman to woman, getting numbers and laying his "mack" down...like we all can't see him!?? Bye boy. Trust, all these women are clowning you and giving you the wrong number.
6. Manners still matter! The one thing that pisses me off is the amount of people who walk through the club or bar and never once acknowledge that someone was standing in their path. No 'excuse me' or anything. Sometimes I have to question whether I'm visible to the human eye or not. It goes a long way to just say "excuse me" or "i'm sorry" if you bump into someone or need them to politely move out of your way. It also sucks if you bump into me and I spill my drink, because now you owe you $11 for my Tokyo Tea!
7. It's all love in the club. This one is for those few hating ass chicks who get salty when they get schooled on the dance floor. We're all in the club/bar to have a good time, please don't take it to heart. If I just taught you how to dougie, pass it on, no need to get salty. Pick up a Darren's Dance Grooves and learn how to two-step.

I could go on all day...

But these are some basic tips that will keep your party going and ensure that everyone around you also enjoys themselves. Sometimes a little consideration goes a long way, even in the club.

Follow these few rules and I promise you that your friends and others will no longer be embarrassed to take you anywhere anymore. And of course, I won't have to clown you to my friends and post your busted tail on my Twitter.

#keepitcute

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