Antoine Dodson REMIXED!!!!

*dies....jumps in casket & buries myself ALIVE* lmaoooooooooooooooooo

"So you can run & tell that, run & tell that, run & tell that, homeboy, home home home boy!"

The Coon Hour!

PART 1


If you didnt get a mouth full of fuckery from part one dont worry im sure part two will have you gaggin. Take a gander...



This is why you dont give niggaz camera time. They go above and beyond with the fuckery. Its a known conspiracy that news reporters search high and low for the most bansheest individuals to give their account of the incident. In this episode of The Coon Hour, Kelly Dodson - the lady captured in the videos above in City Trend's finest threads - was allegedly laying in bed when a man climbed in bed with her and attempted to rape her, but not before her brother, Antoine Dodson - adorned in a 'black' wife beater, red bandana (soo woo to the bloods), and a cloud of glitter - came to her rescue. The 'intruder' ended up getting away but not without leaving some evidence: a t-shirt & fingerprints. Now...instead of giving a 'normal' account of the incident, 'these ppl'[yes the infamous THESE PPL] chose to SHOW THE FUCK OUT!

First up is Kelly Dodson. "I was attacked by some idiot out here in the projects." Really, i didnt notice. She goes on to say in the second video that he choked her, told her he wud kill her, and called her all types of bitchez. SMH. This is the first time i ever witnessed a news broadcast bleep out a word and im from Brooklyn. "You you you left all ur evidence...i got ur t-shirt...i got ur scent..." Waitwhat?? Is she part basset hound, im confused, wtf do you need his scent for?? Nevermind dont answer that. As if she wasnt enough, Antoine snatches the mic.

Antoine, full of zest, clearly upstaged Kelly in the theatrics department. You would have thought somebody tried to 'rape' his bussy. He was serving so much hand & neck that i expected him to fly away, but not before a suicide dip of course. "Well...obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park...he's climbin in y windows, he's snatchin yo ppl up tryin to rape em so yall need to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, & hide yo husband cuz they rapin errrrbody out here!"[insert eye rolls, neck rolls, & an explosion of glitter here] Lmaoooo i really cant.....

LTROMAO[laughing the rim of my anus off] i had to do it....NOW RUNTELLDAT HOMEBOI!!!


no shade...

A change of heart....

"I DON’T HAVE A F*CKING TWITTER… WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I’M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I’M ACTUALLY SLOW DELIVERING CONTENT BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I’M NOT AND I’M JUST LAYING ON A BEACH I WOULDN’T TELL THE WORLD. EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS I NEED LESS OF." - Kanye West

Really? Noseriously so this isnt you....

My how one's views change when you practically been blacklisted from the industry & have an album to promote, desperate times call for desperate measures or a twitter account at least. The fact that Kanye West reached 300,000 followers after being on twitter for only 2 days is impressive and does nothing more than boost his already overzealous ego. Furthermore, having his 'modest tweets' constantly retweeted on my timeline is annoying, as if we all aren't following him already. Yesterday he decided to give his followers a brief history lesson on medieval narcism [YAWN] really Ye?? Im over him already...then he goes on to twitpic'n 17th century paintings & artifacts that i assume he 'owns' [double YAWN] he really doesnt have to rub it in our faces that he's filthy rich & has nothin better to do with his riches than buy 13ft projector screens smh...

S/O to Mr. West & his new humble beginnings smh

Good riddance

no shade...

Livin la vida LOKO!

THIS!!!!!!!!!

Four Loko (n.) - Legalized cocaine in a can. If you consume Four Lokos you can expect to encounter the same results typically associated with snorting a small mountain of cocaine.

"My dealer isn't picking up" "Okay whatever, we'll just get some Four Lokos, blend it with sum baking soda & sniff that!"

Four Loko is liquid crack in a can DEFINITELY! If you wanna wake up in a pigeon coup & not remember anything the next day this drink is for you.

If your confused about what exactly a Four Loko is, let me enlighten you...

Four Loko is an alcoholic energy drink. It's available in 9 different flavors of death: grape(a coon favorite), orange, fruit punch, blue raspberry, watermelon(the coons love this one also), vanilla, lemonade(BURR), & cranberry lemonade(my personal fav)! It features a WOPPING 12% alcohol by volume(usually in a 24oz can) & the amount of caffiene that will have you wired like a crackhead for days, all for a small fee of only$3.

Four Loko got its name because it sends the person who consumed it into FOUR STAGES OF RATCHETNESS:

Stage 1: Tipsy (loud, might stumble, slightly annoying laugh)
Stage 2: Drunk (embarassing, stumbling, slight slur)
Stage 3: Wasted (heavy slur, falling, hitting on fat girls)
Stage 4: Black Out (no ability to speak, vomiting, waking up next to a fat girl, memory loss)

This fellow here is definitely a stage 4 loko. I consumed a four loko once & all i remember was NOTHING. I woke up on my bathroom floor fully clothed with a drool string that extended from my mouth to the toilet seat -__- my mouth was dry as hell as if i was consuming cotton balls all night...the funny thing is i wasnt hungover. I woke up feeling like a million bucks, ready to run a decathlon, crazy right? i guess all that 'energy' does sum damage control the next day. At the end of the day, if you wanna be gang-banged & suffocate in a pool of your own urine then i suggest you drink a four loko bc its the 'new' goose. The hoes get loose and raggedy off a four loko, poppin that pussy for all the goons!

no shade...

Come and Get Your Kids!

ChynaFox (11 hours ago) - she obviously doesn't know who her father is

This is a prime example of why I can't tolerate anyone born in the 90s.

Where are the parents?

I don't even blame these wayward-ass chi'ren. I blame the absent ass parents who allow this fuckery to take place without any adult supervision.

What ever happened to kids being kids? I mean, yeah we all got to an age where we liked boys/girls and we were curious about the opposite sex, however we did what normal kids did...kiss behind the jungle gym and then talk shit about how nasty it was! Or play 7 Minutes in Heaven at some mutual birthday party. Hell, I am not above fuckery but this shit right here, is some shit my ass at 22 years old ain't even doing.

#icant

---------------------------------------

Twitter ~ Tumblr

Wild Banshee of the Day

O_o

Somebody plz get Gary Coleman's down syndrome spawn [no shade, r.i.p] lmaoooooooo smh only in NYC i swear...he/she was poppin it's pussy for all the goons, im sure it wud put all the Magic City hoes to shame...peep the white dude at the end, he's tryin to act all cool like that premeditated fuckery isnt taking place before him.

At the end of the day somebody needs to get fired for leaving the cage open, this debacle is unacceptable -__-

no shade...

The Next Contestant on the Wild Banshee Screen!

O_o SMMFH

I swear i hate facebook with a PASSION. If im not being bombarded by party promoters & their weak ass parties, im being stalked by desperate lame ass niggaz. If this was real life this muthafucka wud be behind bars; this is NOT okay. WTF was going through his mind when he decided to comment on every last one of my 846 pics [this is only the first page]. I know what was going through his mind: CRAZY SHIT! You have to be completely outta touch with reality to do sum shit like this....

Sure i'll text you, i'll text you a gun so you can kill yourself smh noseriously, is he serious? I dont kno this man from a hole in the wall & i'm trying to figure out when i added him as a friend?? Nonetheless he's getting deleted and BLOCKED immediately.

Good fucking riddance

SHADE!!!!

THE CRAZIES...

I do not know how true this piece of information is I'm going to share, but I am going to say this I do not put nothing past these crazy people and the world we live in. The bible can be interpreted in many ways  as you see alot of religion interpet the bible how they see fit. the paragraph below is an insert from a reader on Sandra Rose Blog she found the question on a forum.

I am a black male that God has given a special gift to. Like the Etoro tribesmen of New Guinea, I am 100% heterosexual but I have sex with other men for spiritual reasons. When I ejaculate in man’s rectum, I impart my spiritual essence and strength to this man. I’ve tried to explain this to the women I date but they accuse me of being either bisexual or homosexual. They don’t understand that this is a spiritual mission and does not make me any less heterosexual or good marriage material. I belong to the Temple of Black Masculinity, we are over 45,000 deep and we follow the writings of Prophet Masculinity that teaches us that this gift is sacred and should be honored, However, many of us find that women simply don’t appreciate or make an effort to understand. Do you have any advice on how we can make women better understand?

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If any man pose any of this to me I am guaranteed to be sitting in somebody cell. This right here is some crazy shit and to have so much members if it is true. Ladies be careful there is alot of guys (trade) walking around that look heterosexual and is not do not ignore signs. Some of us will take anything just to have claim to a man for ourselves think of your life. There are too much STDs that are going around to just give your life up like that to another. When you have sex with someone you are offering your life carry a condom if you must times have change to hell with them thinking you are loose; and trust a visit to the clinic to be tested will be a first date requirement. These people are sleeping around like its the sixties without a care. Then you have crazy peolpe running aroung giving everything they can to unsuspecting people.

Customer Service??????

What a day...

So the customer service lady that works for the post office over thephone snatched my wig yesterday. She got upset with me because I called complaining about the delivery guy who claims he tried delivering but no one answered after I was home waiting. She got mad and hang up on me after I asked for her supervisor. No bitch it was not going down like that I paid for express service and that's what I was going to get. I did not pay for pick up @ the PO I would have a PO box if that was the case. I got irate and ethnic with her cause she didn't want to find a solution to my problem. So after she hang up I called back and made a report on her ass I don't give a damn what she was going through. I paid 20 something for next day delivery if I wanted to pick it up the next day I would have done regular mail. I'm waiting for the call back because trust I want prosecution how dare her if she had man problems she should have called out. I'm upset with the delivery guy cause he lied about delivery and leaving a sticker cause there was none on the door he filled that shit out when they called him to redeliver. I know he did this for a fact because i knew people who worked for the post office that did this,they are unionized so its hard to get fired. I let it slide cause I got my package but I can't let that trick over the phone get away with the snatching she performed yesterday. STAY AWAY FROM THE POSTAL SERVICE EXPRESS SERVICES IF YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bug-A-Boo

#KILLYASELF

And don't ever send me a "sad face" smiley...that's gay

relationships and the internet.

The title pretty much says it all but here's my take on the whole relationship and internet mix.

We all at one point in time have fallen victim to the whole internet dating wave. Its easier and less stressful compared to other methods of dating. You pull up a random site, create a profile thats damn near as basic as a chickenhead on the corner, upload a picture and thats about it. However, ive found that once meeting a "potential", if you continue to have interaction with people on the net - problems can arise between the two of you.

For example, I personally have had this issue with the women that ive dated in the past. We were friends on multiple social websites, [ twitter, facebook, downelink, myspace ] so it pretty much didnt leave space for us to assume that the other was interested in someone else. Eventually, our perfect situation wasnt so perfect and we began arguing over little shit. ..little shit being the internet. Now normally, I could care less who flirts with the woman that im dating because the bitch is mine and if im doing my job, I have nothing to be woried about. With me being the natural flirt that I am, it leaves them constantly checking every status and tweet that I post to somewhat keep tabs on me. Oh no maam! Im grown and i'll do what whatever I want to do ESPECIALLY if im single.

So my question to everyone is this : how do you feel about relationships based from the internet and how do they affect you?

Wild Banshee of the Day

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*SNATCHES wig LITERALLY* Who gassed this trollop?

This is entirely too easy, i cant...this troll deserves to be suffocated by those drapes & lynched...repeatedly

The Silent Treatment

When it comes to sex sometimes less is more, with that being said.....

SHUT THE FUCK UP & FUCK!!! Wtf is good with dudes asking 21 questions during sex?? i cud of sworn this was intercourse not an interrogation, im confused. "Ooooo baby you like that?...Tell daddy how much you like it....who's pussy is this?....does that feel good?...how good does it feel?...is it like scratching an itch good or like eating an ice cream cone on a hot summer's day good? O_0 huh? WTF just shut up, ur constant rambling is effin up my nut sheesh. Damn a bitch cant even peak in peace....*grabs vibrator*

7 Reasons Why I'll be Single for the Rest of My Life[or at least for a very long time]

Single as a dollar bill shoved up a strippers crotch....yes that single

So....it usually goes like this: i'll meet a guy(where ever), reluctantly we'll exchange numbers BUT i already know right then and there that we will not get past the first conversation bc i wont pick up the phone. Already annoyed bc he called me, the 'relationship' is deaded b4 he even got a chance to say "wassup." Another possible scenario is we'll 'text' back and forth a couple of times then he'll make the UBER mistake of getting on my nerves. This can be by saying super-homo shit like 'hey you' [ughhhh i loathed guys who use this phrase GAG]. Or by being too persistent in trying to 'chill' - we all know what the infamous 'chill' means, and i want no parts, we barely kno each other u freakin weirdo. Overall his presence just annoys me, but everybody annoys me initially, i NEVER give ppl a chance so i will never kno if the annoyance will slowly transform into admiration....sigh...ive grown enough to kno that its me most of the times. I secretly sabotage any potential good relationship, i suppose its my defense mechanism, oh well, ive accepted it...here are the TOP 7 reasons why i'll be single FOE'EVAH!

7. I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. Technology has really fucked me up bc i NEVER talk on the phone, unless its to someone in my Fav 5, & even then i try to avoid phone calls unless its messy gossip. I have the cheapest voice plan tmobile has to offer, i have like 300 whenever mins which is like $5.99 a month & i use like 2mins worth each month (prolly used checking my voicemail). With all these social networks/instant messengers/text apps at out fingertips why the hell do i need to talk on the phone, i can very well find out what i want about you by looking at ur facebook status. Apparently the only way u can truly get to kno someone & build a 'relationship' is by interacting physically, whether in person or on the phone. Well i'll be the first to admit: im fucking SOCIALLY RETARDED the end. I dont want to talk on the phone with someone i just met, that shit is just awkward & in the way. Try me bitch & i will send you to voicemail so fast. That shit just pisses me off, & the fact that you left a voicemail pisses me off even more. At this point im livid bc now u forced me to waste even more time by listening & deleting your desperate pleas to talk. Smh just too much emotion too fast, scares me off. Lets chat via text or bbm for about 3mos then i'll 'let' you call me but unfortunately it never gets pass week two b4 i just start ignoring all together & he starts stalking me *see "True Life: I've Been Text Stalked"* :-/

6. I DONT COOK. Yea i said it - i dont cook, nor do i desire to cook for anyone. I'll boil some water for you, but thats about it. This is 2010, dont expect me to be Suzie fucking Homemaker while you watch football & drink beer all day with ur feet propped up on the coffee table expecting me to wait on you hand and foot #aintgonehappen, betta go snatch a white bitch. NEXT.

5. IM VERY MOODY. I will snatch a caesar so quick. I definitely have a slight case of Bi-polar-ness with a hint of schizophrenia [i aint a killa but dont push me]. At first most guys think its 'cute' bc i have a lil attitude but their stance quickly changes when i start cursing them out for being born. Some stick around for a while trying to get me with the 'kill her with kindness' method but my attitude is a force to be reckoned with, i will make Amorosa heal like the bitch she is & make Diddy come out of the closet[take that, take that].

4. I LIVE FOR FREEDOM. Being confined to my parents house for 18 years, i just cant take somebody having reign over my life anymore. I need to be able to come and go as i please without 'drama.' If i wanna go to the House of Dicks and admire dicks on the wall, i dont want to have to check in with anyone or ask them if its alright, and i feel like if your in a 'relationship' thats a common courteous, like it was when you lived in your parents' house. Im a free spirit & i just want to spread my legs wings and fly!!

3. I LIKE HAVING MY CAKE PLUS EATING IT TOO.[i got cake wtf im suppose to do?] This is pretty self explanatory. At this point in my life i dont think i can faithfully be with one & only one person. Not to say that im sum sex-crazed nympho that wants to walk about with her pussy lips hanging out, humping every stiff wood in site, im just saying, i like having options. Love it or leave me alone.

2. I DONT WANT KIDS. Once again it was me who said the blasphemous statement. I just dont have the desire to have kids right now, who knows if this will change in the future but right now at 24 kids are not for me. I dont wanna become somebody's 'baby mother' and become crazy over night. I swear all the chicks i kno who are baby mothers NOT wives were perfectly sane prior to giving birth but i as soon as they dropped the load they went straight-jacket looney, no lie. I refuse. Most guys want kids but arent willing to do what it takes to raise that kid, and we are not using my womb as a test dummie.

1. Definitely the most important reason, I DONT HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER. How do i expect to bring someone else into my life when i dont even have my life together. Sure im on the right track but its definitely not stable. I need to be the woman of my dreams b4 i can find the man of mine, simple as that. After all i can do bad by my damn self!

Oh and plz dont confuse 'single' with 'lonely'. Yes im ALONE but im definitely not lonely.

*cues "I'm Single"* Put yo hands up if ur single for the night!!!

no shade....

Thirsty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a terrible disdain for thirsty individuals.When I signed up for twitter and Facebook I signed up for networking and meeting people. Im on the social ackward side so Im only outgoing when it warrants so online works for me. It seems like some of us get Match.com,eharmony or the sites delegated to find fuck buddies confuse with a social network cause some of the dms i get would suggest twitter is the stepping stone to getting my draws. Well not to confuse yall its not when you send me fuckery im going to ignore you then if it continues i am going to block and spam you. I do not chill that screams come over so i can heavy weight molest you in the disguise of watching a bootleg movie. I do not encourage slackness like #twitterafterdark cause thats invitation to find out what I am talking about,my bed room stays there in my bedroom too much of yall nosey negros lurk only to send dms about "so whats good". I delete all and every FB messages about how beautiful I am and if you can get to know me cause chances are you sent it to the five friends we have in common like we wont find out. If you only talk to me in private Im going to ignore you.If you comment on every fucking pics and and comments on FB im going to delete you from my friend list. I dont care how much the internet you is making I am not going nowhere with you unless i get to know you cause chances are the real you are broke,people who has money dont have time to live on no social network. If you stay on a celebrity dick I am going to ignore you this does not get me wet it only shows me you have identity issues. Taking pics of loui,gucci and prada stuff only confirm that you save alll that Macdonalds check to get them Im still not impress.All these are signs of being thirsty we all laugh and talk about yall plus give yall nick names and screen shot these convos to be on the look out for YOUR THIRSTY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roundtrip Ticket: NYC to PHL

Every group of girlfriends has that one naïve chick who could walk in on her man all inside another woman's vagina and yet, she'll listen to his lies and even believe that he slipped and fell inside her!

Bye girl.

I can't say that I've never turned a blind eye to some bullshit myself, but this chick...she takes the cake; for the sake of this story, lets just call her Jasmine [hypothetically of course]. Jasmine has this "boyfriend" (another term that means nothing in this story); lets call him David for short [again, hypothetically].

Jasmine has had numerous friends tell her about David and his escapades with other women. They've witnessed it. Heard the tales first hand from the females he was with. And even have heard him admit the truth. Yet, Jasmine still hangs on to his ass like a leech and will snatch any woman's wig who dares to come in between them.

Ladies, its bad enough to be a fool once (maybe even twice, but you don't tell your friends about that one) however, it is another thing for your fucked up relationship to be on public display for all to see. These are some characteristics of a Jasmine-type friend so that you can identify her:

• If you are commuting from New York to Philly every weekend to see you cheating ass man, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If you are lying to yourself about this undiagnosed "situation" in your lady parts AND your man is urging you to use condoms yet you don't see the point, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If your man's idea of an anniversary is spending time with you at the local bar, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If you have maxed out your American Express card in order to buy him something and you can't even pay your bills, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If you made your man write a list of all the chicks that he slept with and then you get mad when half of them are your friends, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If your roommate has gone on the record saying that your boyfriend gave her an STD and you stayed with him, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If your man has isolated you from your friends who know that truth about him AND you let him, chances are, you're a #basicbitch
• If your man won't even take the trash out of the house that he's staying at for free, chances are, you're a #basicbitch

Sometimes it's hard to spot these types of women but, I promise you, one out of five women are currently exhibiting these #basicbitch like tendencies. However, if that #basicbitch happens to be you than maybe you need to reevaluate what is necessary in your life.

#shotsfired

Have you sniffed your man's drawls today?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER: Names mentioned in this post are fictional and do not depict any factual people however, if your name is Jasmine or David and you happen to mirror the lives of the fictional people in this post... eat a dick and save a life. The photo credit goes to Star Power Marketing Group, LLC.

Beat Face Blues

Ladies (and Queens too)... Some of y'all obviously never took the time to watch a makeup application tutorial. Some of y'all are walking around like y'all are cute looking all pasty in the face and casket ready. So... to help some of y'all out with your Beat Face Blues, I've compiled a list of tips:

-Foundation is supposed match your skin tone. you should have two shades, one for summer, one for winter. When applying, make sure you blend it into your hair and neckline. She obviously missed this step... how unfortunate.



-Don't cake on concealer, or you'll ending up looking like:



-Do not use dark lip liner with a lighter shade of lipstick.

-If you've tattooed your brows in, just disregard this, there's no hope, if not, if you draw them in, don't over do it or you will end up looking like Drake... and we've all seen his eyebrows. o_O. Personally, I just stick to getting mine snatched by Nina or Tina.

-Do not pack blush on your cheeks, tap some of the powder off the brush. Also, know which color is for you, reds and pinks aren't for everyone...you don't want to look like you belong hanging on your grandmother's wall as a porcelain doll.

-Just stay away from glitter/shimmer if you don't know what you're doing, the Bratz Doll look never caught on.


-Stay away from white eye liner, especially if you're on the darker side. It resembles...you know what, just don't do it.

-EVERY COLOR IS NOT FOR YOU!!! Just because your friend can wear it doesn't mean you should. If you're Wesley Snipes in the complexion, you better think twice before you apply that hot pink eyeshadow. Oh and mixing all those colors on your eyes isn't cute if you don't know how to blend. You look like a painter's palette.


-Know what lip color works for you, if you have teeth the color of LemonHeads, don't even bother picking up that pink or red.

-Last but not least, if you're going to wear lashes, make sure you BEAT YOUR FACE everyday until you take them off. You look pretty dumb with these Hollywood lashes and I see all those blemishes on your face.

Now follow these simple rules so you don't become a messy victim of the Pasty Face Princesses, because I will point at your picture and laugh when I see you on messdressed.com.

Hairy Scary

Ladies there are too many options for your cooch to look like this! Lets look beyond her ashy skin and Poetic Justice braids, and focus on whats important here. Why do u have a bikini on with your hairy cooch exposed?! Ladies what man in their right mind would go down and give you head when you have the jungle sprouting from your panties. Lets stop the madness. Get waxed, shave, do something! Just don't look like this!

If you dont get your drunk uncle!

Im pretty sure that everyone has seen the infamous "Mr. Turner" youtube video. The only thing that im going to say is this: "FUCK THA GOTDAMN SHIT!"

Who's Having the Best Year Ever?

Homewreckers! Thats, who.

Since the Tiger Woods scandal, homewreckers and side pieces have stepped out of their role and decided to go above and beyond their job titles. 2010 has been the year of the 'Emancipation of the Sideline Hoe.' These chicks are coming out of the woodwork and dammit, they are a force to be reckoned with.

With Kelis snatching Nas' wig and getting him for a good $50,000 a month and Elin is coasting by hoping to pocket a cool $1 million, oh and let us not forget the Jessie/Sandra scandal the day after she won an Oscar. It seems like horrible marriages, cheating husbands and wives, and babies are the biggest come up of 2010.

At what point do people begin to honor the vows they take before God?

Quiet as its kept, Gabby and DWade were shacking up long before his (recent) divorce with wife Siohvaughn. Although he filed for divorce back in 2007, rumors were already abuzz about his new "actress" (and I use that term loosely) girlfriend. Gabby played her part as the sideline hoe; she cheered quietly in the crowd, walked a few paces behind him, and avoided questions that would expose their affair. However, with the recent completion of his divorce and his custody battle with his children (his youngest who was born just months after filing for divorce), the two have decided that now is the time to come clean about their "relationship" (I use that term loosely as well).

I guess movie roles aren't coming coming as quickly as she thought they would be after her magnificent portrayal as Eva in Deliver Us from Eva [sarcasm]. Nonetheless, she needed to hook herself to someone who could garner her some more attention and add a couple more zeros to her bank account. With the rise of these childbirth paydays, I'm sure that Gabby will be knocked up in no time! She can't miss out on that cash cow and let Siohvaughn get all that good NBA money. Chile bye, her legs are probably spread eagle right now in somebody's kitchen pantry just waiting for D Wade to come drop it off in her drawls! I give her uterus 6 months

and it'll be full of human.

I must say out of the homewreckers, Gabby has been the classiest considering that D Wade did file for divorce three years ago, that gives some kind of headspace there where she could have moved in. But this next chick, ugh [shakes my mother fucking head and then drops it low for Jesus].

Fantasia. Fantasia. Fantasia. Girl you so hood!

This chick didn't even find her a man with money [kudos to Gabby for doing it right] she was just in a T-Mobile store to pay her bill and decided to throw her sales representative some of her American Idol ass. Have you no shame Fanny? Hell nawl.

Not only did she throw this broke man some pussy, she tattooed his name on her shoulder! Yes girl, you tried to hide it and lie about it, but honey pictures don't lie (unlike your lying ass). He has a wife and children whom he up and left in order to lay up with her and Teeny's crying ass. I don't know what man is willing to lay up in this chick's family but I guess he's the one laughing now because we all know his damn name and it's not because we needed

to pay our damn T-Mobile bill!

So now Fanny has covered this horrible tattoo, you know Brandy Norwood style, with another horrible tattoo and this man's wife has come out publicly saying that she [Fantasia] stole her husband. Even though, I doubt that Fantasia will be impregnated by this idiot [lord please] however I do think that more body modification will come and this will only get worse for her publicly.

Let the church say, 'Amen'.

Lastly, the one homewrecker who is abso-fucking-lutely having the best year ever.....

(Yeah, you saw that one coming the moment you began reading this.)

Alicia Keys snagged her a married man about three years back, probably around the time Swizz found out that his wife Mashonda was having a baby, but that didn't bother Ms. Keys. She saw what she wanted and went for it. Despite this man having a history with impregnating women and then leaving them, she believes (a term I use loosely) that her "relationship" is the exception to his rule.

You see, Mashonda was the chick who held Swizz down. He got another woman pregnant while he was with her and yet, she still married him and later had a baby herself. Oh and guess what, he left her ass and has now planted his seed in another willing participant.

This chick A Keys has had her damn eyes wide shut and her legs wide the fuck open. Girl you so stupid!

There is no man in the world worth my dignity, pride, and self respect and chile, you gave all that up the moment you opened your legs to a married man. But I will say this, Swizz is paying Mashonda and that other baby mamma and he's not complaining so I guess Alicia needed to get in on that childbirth payday too!

Shit, since Kelis' womb hit the come up, I'm trying to finagle my way onto some rich man dick and put my good childbearing hips to good use! Basketball Baby Mammas and Girlfriends copped a VH1 show, I know me and my ladies could do better than that. We got good genes!

My new goal for 2010 is to put my womb to good use and find me a rich man with some sperm that he needs to deposit (and some checks to deposit too). To hell with chasing this career and a damn degree, I should've spent that $90,000 on some hoe shit and been chasing some men instead of partaking in higher education.

#shotsfired

What would you do for a klondike bar?

Blind Item....well not really

Now we all know Drake is a closet bottom but is he this reckless?? Highly doubt it but this was fun to read nonetheless. I can definitely picture Aubrey's hand-twirling ass saying this tho hmmmmm

Shouts to @eiphlurt for this

no shade...

Who Told You That You Can Rap?

We have an epidemic going on right now in America. We have men popping up all over thinking they're gonna be the next BIG thing :( However the saddest part is that they have supporters. Why would you support someone that sound like they need hooked on phonics? Or My Baby Can Read? Case in point Lil B. This guy can't formulate a punchline to save his life! He has no skills, yet people are telling him that he's the greatest rapper alive -__- I call these people coons. No one wants to be a doctor, lawyer, business owners, etc any longer. All the men want to be rappers and the females want to be "models". *Sigh* What are we gonna do??? Till we find a solution please watch this video of one of these "rappers" I speak of name 50 Tyson:

How to Successfully Snatch a Wig!

YESSSSSS hunny, go AWFFFFFF!!!!

Now that is how you SUCCESSFULLY snatch a wig, take notes bitchez!!!

Miss thang crept up and snatched that wig so hard, then turned around and served the runway lmaooooo no shade but that IS the shade.

Over Justin Bieber though?

Okay, so maybe im missing something. Last time I checked, Justin Bieber looked like a 13year old girl and yet, he's got millions of fans all over the world..young and old. My question is this - does anyone feel the mother of this little girl was wrong for recording this madness and posting it on youtube? Honestly, I think it's bullshit and her and the old sister need to be slapped for this shit. Like the mother said - "im just sayin"

Girl ? Stop!!!!!!!

Girl ? Stop!!!!!!!!
Haven't blog in awhile but this topic brought me out of my hiatus. Ladies Ladies before you give up them draws know what you are getting yourself into and who. This to say prepare yourself mentally before hand not just telling him and act like you down for where ever he takes it cause guess what it's going to be on your back,knees,in your face and well wishes.
There's two scenerios that plays in mind in regards to this topic that involves two people I know. One met a guy off fb already that should have been red flag. Meeting anyone off FB, Twitter, Myspace, Hi Five or any social network is liking meeting them @ the club he already passed and exchange #s with everything. She carried along a "relationship" with him. Come to find out home boy was private messaging someone she knew and the dummy had to know they knew each other fb tells you friends in common and if that wasn't enough there were tag photos of them on each other pages just to show you that he didn't give a eff after the eff. He wanted a relationship and would do anything to get the friend in these private messages. The friend of mine must of been insecure or lack common sense because when I informed her of the deed she started saying he told her he didn't like going out he only hang in his crib after this boy is all flashy over fb promoting his habit of finer things in life *side eye*. He pulled the fast one on her of course he couldn't go out he had fuck friends all over town that would recognize him anywhere and unlike her they didn't lack common sense and didn't do the free dates. She became self conscious after the fact she wanted to become a nun, she was done with men, she was never coming outside no more. She gave up the draws and didn't mentally prepare herself so now she was not worth anything because a trifling man pulled the fast one on her.
Next scenerio girl meets guy @ a party that she could have dealt with in the past but didn't but now circumstances change in her life she became more open to date the guy I also met the cousin..she gave up the underwear then became a couple stop wanting to hang with friends and only wanted to hang with him only hitting me up for rides. I hate bitches that get a man and lose themselves in the process. It was all about him and and her... There was a gathering once cause we all hanged out of course she met up with us with him, she gonna tell me becareful i nod and proceed because I knew it had to be two willing participant... the cousin is telling me now when we hanging bring a different friend for the guy but that's between me and him what ???and what!!!!. The cousin must have been drinking coco loso cause that right there had me looking at him funny. How the hell ur gonna tell me some shit like that knowing I'm friends with her and not have me think I'm a fuck and duck next. She dedicated her life to the guy only after being with him for a few so I know her mental process is going to break down over this.

"All i wanted was a whooper w/cheese."

O_o

I watched. Paused. Rewound, & watched again and yet im still in utter and total amazement. Noseriously there is something seriously wrong with all the ppl in this video including the cameraman. Not only is this bitch pregnant and fighting(not to mention that shes holding her own while getting jumped multiple times, one even being a guy) she apparently is on the hoe stroll as well smh so is every chick in the video. She is trolloping her pregnant hoe ass around in see-through hot pink tights looking a hawt mess. Lord Jesus forgive them bc they know not what they do. Arrest should be made asap. There are not only criminal offenses taking place but extreme fashion faux pas as well ughhhh how dreadful, im gonna pray for these ppl

A french fry & a burp away...

Now we all have that ONE friend thats a lil on the hefty side, like the bitch is a french fry and a burp away from being obese. Unfortunately she thinks she's the shit but unbeknownst to her people are talking about her literal fat ass in a not-so flattering way. In short....the bitch needs to run some laps and subscribe to the South Beach Diet ASAP before her situation becomes a serious problem.

If you think bc u have a fat ass that nothing else matters, sweetie your sadly mistaken. If your comfortable with the fact that the only thing that attracts attention is ur ass and nothing else then i applaud your shallowness and it will be you and ur ass against the world alone bc no real man will ever wife a chick with an ass but no brain. A fat ass is not a trump card, God did not stop making asses when he made yours so it wud be wise to acquire something else to accompany that ass of yours. Lets be real, most bitchez with big butts are not that cute in the face, no shade, but it just is what it is. Im not hating, just speaking the truth.

I never realized how far a fat ass could get you until one weekend i spent in Atlantic City with my bitchez. One of our friends has an abnormally large ass & it was the craze all weekend. Thanks to her ass we got to chill in VIP with the likes of Rick Ross, Fabolous, & Red Cafe all weekend. Now that was all fine and dandy, and i definitely was enjoying myself but my issue was that not one, i mean NOT ONE guy looked at her face the entire time. All eyes were on her butt, and nothing else. She could have looked like Shrek and niggaz wudnt have cared; all they saw was ass, and a big one at that. She seemed perfectly find with that, but i wud feel like i was selling myself short, i wud be highly offended and used. Sure i like attention, but it seemed like she was getting all the wrong attention. Once again this is not hate, just my observations. (Im secure in my ability to turn heads when i walk in a room, i might not have a fat ass or large boobs, but my presence commands attention, and im cool with that). Now, our friend is not the cutest on the block but like all cliques everybody has their individual strengths and purposes, hers is her ass and the perks that come along with it, and im not mad at that.

Lets be clear about something, though she has a fat ass, it is not the most put together. It lacks structure and definition. To be frank....its fat,nasty, and out of shape....damnnnnnnn no shade. Hold up i kno yall are prolly like 'how can she talk about her friend like that?' but dont make any mistakes about it im using the word friend very loosely, she is in fact a friend of a friend and i only tolerate her bc of that. Noseriously she's like a sesame seed away.........

Okay let me stop going IN on her, she never did anything to me so i wont bagger her any longer but the fact that she has a nasty ass attitude and treats my friend like shit sometimes royally pisses be off, and she deserves this read. Honestly i just want my friend to sit her down and let her ass know she needs to join a gym as soon as possible. But truthfully could you tell your friend something like that? Essentially what your saying is 'get your fat ass in the gym and lose some weight...your an embarrassment and its not cute.'[NOTE: saying 'no shade' in this situation will not alleviate the blow....proceed with caution] Im glad i dont have fat friends bc idk wtf i would do lol

O_o

Now this is just wrong on so many levels. Her HUGE fake ass needs to sit the fuck down somewhere but wait....i wonder if she can even sit down right after all that shit pumped up in her ass it has to be uncomfortable. Smh all this bitch will EVER be used for is backshots, her life will never amount to nothing more than being somebody's whore smh another black girl lost.

no shade...

"I was drunk so he doesn't count!"

Ladies lets be real for 2.5 seconds, WE ALL LIE ABOUT OUR # OF SEXUAL PARTNERS for whatever reason. If we say 5…we meant 20. If we say 2 we meant 8, and if we say a guy is our first…that just means we can’t remember any of their names. Not to blow up spots but guys the general rule of thumb is- take the number she admits to and double it, and that gives you about half of the real number…maybe.

Why lie, right? Well heres a list of possible reasons why a chick might lie about the number of guys she smashed:

• If we tell the truth you might think we’re a hoe and HELLO! We all know the old adage – “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” (not to say we want to be a house wife, or any other kind of wife anyway but still).
• You thought we were so sweet and innocent, we don’t want to burst your bubble. Maybe we're just a tad bit ashamed.
• If you knew the real number you’d know I was lying when I said you were the “best”, the “biggest”, the “only one I let put his dick in mouth”, etc. etc. Honesty might be the best policy – but sometimes the truth hurts. We are trying to protect your ego.

Most men say they want a woman with some experience, but they don’t want to feel like she’s got more miles on her then his SUV. This is probably the main reason we women lie.

Women often try to justify their distortions. Some women use very complicated personal rules, like, ‘It doesn’t count because I only had sex with him once,’ ‘I don’t really remember that guy that well, so he’s off the list,’ ‘I was drunk, so he doesn’t count,’” and the list goes on…i had a long enough list to take up 8 pages …Here are my favorites.

Reasons not to count a sexual partner, and other legal rules and clauses (some might actually hold up in a court of law)

1. The sex was trash

2. It was only anal or only oral (what exactly classifies as “sex” anyway?)

3. It was a one night stand

4. Your mother had a baby by him

5. You don’t know his name (first, last, or nick)

6. It was a quickie ( 10 minute rule in effect – anything less doesn’t count)

7. It happened on a ski trip, Vegas, All Star Weekend or Spring break ( what happens there stays there, you’re not supposed to remember anything)

8. You were drinking, drunk, smoking, or taking “something”

9. You subtract one fuck buddy by default every 4 years

10. Your number of sexual partners is more than double your age

11. You don’t remember

12. He’s not a known actor, celebrity, or even remotely “cool”.

13. He is a she- licking coochie is not “intercourse”

14. The dude was someone no one knows and no one can ever find out

15. He’s dead

16. Anyone besides your husband after you are married

17. If you fucked more then one person in 24 hours or less it counts as an incident; there is no need for you to count each individual

18. If you moved out of state – clean slate!

19. I didn’t come!

20. If you become a born again virgin- your past sexual relations can be deleted from your memory (I usually become born again every 6 months or so.)

21. He only put the head in

22. He didn’t come in me ( mouths, and anus’s don’t count as “in”)

23. Did I mention I DIDN’T FUCKING COME!

24. He wore a condom – so like there was really no contact

25. The dick was little – almost like it never even went in.

26. Slept with? – We didn’t sleep at all

27. the record label shelved his second album – as if I’d dare admit to fucking his non label having ass

28. Anyone done before the age of 21- you didn’t know what you were doing

29. The lights were off, so technically you have no confirmation if anything actually happened or not.

30. You slipped and fell on it.

Can you spot the bottom?

No shade but all 3 are looking mighty zesty in this pic hmmmmmm HOW YOU DOIN?

“I think I’m Big Meech, Larry Hoover...”

Whether its Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Manuel Noriega, Pablo Escobar, or Frank Lucas, the hip hop culture glamorizes these criminals and their enterprises. While some actually live this “gangster” lifestyle others create fictitious tales in order to solidify their position in hip hop, often times adopting their names to gain further authenticity, i.e. N.O.R.E, Rick Ross, & Nas. But my question is, why would you want to be any of these men, they’re all either in prison serving very lengthy sentences or dead? It’s amazing how the hip hop culture as a whole monopolizes on the lifestyles of drug kingpins and murderers. We’re attracted to the trills and risky existence of organized crime, idolizing Mafiosos and crime kingpins. It can be argued that growing up and any urban environment and triumphing closely chronicles the lives’ of these “gangsters,” however, success in the music industry is suppose to be measured by the ability to sell records yet today being able of tell fantasized and fictional narratives about organized crime and self indulgences seems to be what breeds success. Rappers are making millions of dollars by exploiting these drug lords’ names and images, but is this fair? Is it just to capitalize off the rise & fall of another only to gain success and fame? In any other facile of life this is unacceptable and rappers need to be accountable for their actions or lack of. It is copyright infringement to make money off of a name, image, or text that was not originally yours without permission from the creator.

In recent news, a lawsuit was filed against rapper Rick Ross, real name is William Roberts who adopted his rap name from a well known “American Gangster” by the name of “Freeway Ricky Ross”. The original Ross is claiming that rapper Ross stole his name and image in order to promote and sell millions of records without his consent. Ross is seeking to receive 50% of Roberts’ royalties; in addition Ross was also looking to block the release of Roberts’ upcoming album entitled Teflon Don, however this was overturned. The lawsuit is still pending and the outcome will have a tremendous impact on the hip hop culture. If the original Ross wins this lawsuit it can be expected that plenty of other drug kingpins and their family members will come forth seeking compensation for their unjust exploitation as well. I agree with this 100%, like they say: hit them where it hurts - their pockets. Maybe then will we cease to capitalize off the misfortunes of others, turning real life into some commercial, Hollywood ish.

"My feet hurt..."

Riddle me this: if they hurt why wear them or why even buy them in the first place? I'm not in the business to sit around and hear you bitch and moan all night about how your busted ass feet hurt. Bitch you betta go barefoot, sit down or drink until you pass out. I dont understand why chicks agree to go out in the first place when all they're gonna do is sit down all night, complain about everything and everybody, and try to make you just as miserable as they are...shiiit the fuck if you will, im here to get my drink and party on and i'll be damned if i leave early just bc you dont know your correct shoe size hmph. I will gladly give you my keys so you can go sit your ole miserable ass down in the car and wait until im ready to leave. I swear i hate friends like this. Dont get me wrong 9 times out of 10 my feet hurt in the club but this only means that i havent had enough to drink to numb the pain, i will gladly proceed to the bar to alleviate this problem. Simple as that. I never make it everybody's issue. Its so selfish and inconsiderate to carry on this huge tirade & catch an attitude bc YOUR feet hurt, WHY SHOULD I CARE OR FEEL SORRY FOR YOU? I'm sorry i dont & thats all shade.

We have a friend that is NOTORIOUS for this bullshit. We have to make sure we tell her ahead of time to wear comfortable shoes bc she will be taking a cab home but our words always fall on deaf ears. We'll be in the club for no more than 45mins and she'll have this look on her face that says it all "my feet hurt," 5 mins later she's sitting down smh and plz dont let there be nowhere to sit or she was forced to get up bc she was sitting in bottle service only seats bc we are now forced to hear her rant about her hurting feet. I much rather for her to sit down away from us than stand around us with the stankest attitude raining on our parade. That shit blows me and i get so aggravated, i deadass be wanting to step on both her feet to make it worst *evil laugh* lol noseriously bitch bye, go be lonely and sit on the toilet, away from me, i cant deal with negative energy. Then the bitch barely drinks so its not like we can get the bitch drunk nshit, she's just an all around party poopper and the bitch needs to stay home. Im not wasting my money going anywhere with her ANYMORE!

End rant

no shade....

Weave 101

Hey bitchez i kno its been a while but im back and i have a slew of shit to talk about...hmmmm where shall i start....

I am so effin tired of seeing bitchez with European Straight weaves in their hair when their REAL hair is Kunta Kinte fresh off the slave ship NAPPY, like wtf did you not notice that the texture of your hair does NOT resemble silk but rather sandpaper? The object of the weave game is tryin to make it appear to be your real hair but apparently you never grasped that concept either that or u just dont give a fuck which is sad. Noseriously this is a FLAGRANT offense and its oh so disrespectful, black women we HAVE to do better and it starts with our image, your hair being a crucial aspect of that. I dont know how many times i run across blatant weave fouls, im not even gonna get on the hideous travesty called a "lace-front" but let me just say that a weave can be your best friend so treat her well.

When you take your trip to the hair store you should allot about 45-60mins for this trip, choosing the right weave should not be rushed, after all you have to live with this new hair for atleast a month. Anyway, that Chinese/Korean muthafucka will try to sell you ANYTHING, mainly the most expensive type of hair, pay him no mind, he doesn't know the shit about black hair but how to make money off of it & rape your pockets. Weave is just like clothes: just bc they make it in your hair color does not mean it looks good on you so make sure you take the hair out of the package and place it up to ur hair and look in a mirror to make sure it matches not only the color of your hair but the texture as well, this is a critical part in the weave selection process. A rule of thumb that should be used when trying to pick out the perfect hair is identify the texture of your own hair when its washed and blown out without grease or oil added, then find the weave that matches that state of your hair the best.

STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM SYNTHETIC HAIR ughhhhh having synthetic weave automatically puts you in the bum bitch category, no shade but that IS the shade. Essentially Remy hair is suppose to be the best(most expensive) packaged hair but this is not always the case. Just bc its Remy does not mean it will blend well with your hair type. I get so tired of bitchez mentioning that "this is Remy" like it makes it okay for your edges to not match that "Remy". IDGAF if its Remy or Princess, if it doesnt match your hair its not for you so shut that Remy shit up, Remy is not a stamp of approval that automatically excludes you for the bum bitch category. After all you prolly spent your rent money on that Remy smh SHADE. I buy my hair by the ounce from a place called Lugos which is the BEST. You can pick the texture, color, length, and even get colors and textures mixed if you want. Packaged hair, not even Remy, doesnt have shit on it but thats just my opinion, heres the website if you care www.lugohair.com

The next step in the weave process is finding somebody to install it. YES i mean "install" bc it entails that only a PROFESSIONAL should do it, #deathto kitchen jobs. Im all for saving money nshit but having Kiki from up the street do it in her mother's kitchen just bc she thought about cosmetology school does not make her fit to do your hair, im just saying. Your weave should be sewed in NEVER glued. STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM WEAVE GLUE, it is Satan reincarnated in liquid form, & smells like SHIT. If you constantly glue your weaves in you will not have any hair, i repeat YOU WILL BE BALD AS FUCK, you might as well just wax your scalp bc every time you take that glue out ur ripping sum of your hair out and theres a good chance that it will not grow back if you are constantly putting that strain on it.

There is science to doing weaves and i like to think of myself as a weave connoisseur - bitch i know a good weave job when i see one. When the wind blows, a track should not fall out of place, ur shit should be laid riiiight, having bitchez gaggin cuz your "real" hair is down your back. The top of our weave should not come to a point like ur a freakin conehead or something. There is nothing worst than a shinny ass weave, it has no business on your black head *insert picture of Frankie here* If you get a curly or wet & wavy weave plz kno how to blend your hair to match that texture as well, braid, twist, curl, crimp, do whatever you have to do to make your hair that texture, it is unacceptable to just gel your real hair back and expect that to work, you look dumb and dirty especially bc half of yall use that black gel that crusts up and leaves black residue all over ur ears and edges ughhh GAG

Last but not least, PLEASE take care of your weave. After its put in is not the end, in fact its the beginning. Weave maintenance is a MUST. Wash it often, just take care of it as if its growing out of your scalp. Dirty weaves = a dirty pussy PERIOD. If you do not know how to take care of your own hair dont get a weave and expect it to grow arms and comb itself bc you will look like a fool smh invest in a weave brush and brush that bitch OFTEN, your hair should not look like a bird's nest. And bitchez yall are dead wrong for allowing your "friends" to roam the streets looking a WHOLE mess. Tracks should not be showing and her real hair should not be sticking up like antennas smh i can go all day on this topic but to conclude weave isnt for everybody but like they say if you cant grow it sew it but at least sew sum realistic shit onto your scalp.

no shade...