"I was drunk so he doesn't count!"

Ladies lets be real for 2.5 seconds, WE ALL LIE ABOUT OUR # OF SEXUAL PARTNERS for whatever reason. If we say 5…we meant 20. If we say 2 we meant 8, and if we say a guy is our first…that just means we can’t remember any of their names. Not to blow up spots but guys the general rule of thumb is- take the number she admits to and double it, and that gives you about half of the real number…maybe.

Why lie, right? Well heres a list of possible reasons why a chick might lie about the number of guys she smashed:

• If we tell the truth you might think we’re a hoe and HELLO! We all know the old adage – “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” (not to say we want to be a house wife, or any other kind of wife anyway but still).
• You thought we were so sweet and innocent, we don’t want to burst your bubble. Maybe we're just a tad bit ashamed.
• If you knew the real number you’d know I was lying when I said you were the “best”, the “biggest”, the “only one I let put his dick in mouth”, etc. etc. Honesty might be the best policy – but sometimes the truth hurts. We are trying to protect your ego.

Most men say they want a woman with some experience, but they don’t want to feel like she’s got more miles on her then his SUV. This is probably the main reason we women lie.

Women often try to justify their distortions. Some women use very complicated personal rules, like, ‘It doesn’t count because I only had sex with him once,’ ‘I don’t really remember that guy that well, so he’s off the list,’ ‘I was drunk, so he doesn’t count,’” and the list goes on…i had a long enough list to take up 8 pages …Here are my favorites.

Reasons not to count a sexual partner, and other legal rules and clauses (some might actually hold up in a court of law)

1. The sex was trash

2. It was only anal or only oral (what exactly classifies as “sex” anyway?)

3. It was a one night stand

4. Your mother had a baby by him

5. You don’t know his name (first, last, or nick)

6. It was a quickie ( 10 minute rule in effect – anything less doesn’t count)

7. It happened on a ski trip, Vegas, All Star Weekend or Spring break ( what happens there stays there, you’re not supposed to remember anything)

8. You were drinking, drunk, smoking, or taking “something”

9. You subtract one fuck buddy by default every 4 years

10. Your number of sexual partners is more than double your age

11. You don’t remember

12. He’s not a known actor, celebrity, or even remotely “cool”.

13. He is a she- licking coochie is not “intercourse”

14. The dude was someone no one knows and no one can ever find out

15. He’s dead

16. Anyone besides your husband after you are married

17. If you fucked more then one person in 24 hours or less it counts as an incident; there is no need for you to count each individual

18. If you moved out of state – clean slate!

19. I didn’t come!

20. If you become a born again virgin- your past sexual relations can be deleted from your memory (I usually become born again every 6 months or so.)

21. He only put the head in

22. He didn’t come in me ( mouths, and anus’s don’t count as “in”)

23. Did I mention I DIDN’T FUCKING COME!

24. He wore a condom – so like there was really no contact

25. The dick was little – almost like it never even went in.

26. Slept with? – We didn’t sleep at all

27. the record label shelved his second album – as if I’d dare admit to fucking his non label having ass

28. Anyone done before the age of 21- you didn’t know what you were doing

29. The lights were off, so technically you have no confirmation if anything actually happened or not.

30. You slipped and fell on it.