Weave 101

Hey bitchez i kno its been a while but im back and i have a slew of shit to talk about...hmmmm where shall i start....

I am so effin tired of seeing bitchez with European Straight weaves in their hair when their REAL hair is Kunta Kinte fresh off the slave ship NAPPY, like wtf did you not notice that the texture of your hair does NOT resemble silk but rather sandpaper? The object of the weave game is tryin to make it appear to be your real hair but apparently you never grasped that concept either that or u just dont give a fuck which is sad. Noseriously this is a FLAGRANT offense and its oh so disrespectful, black women we HAVE to do better and it starts with our image, your hair being a crucial aspect of that. I dont know how many times i run across blatant weave fouls, im not even gonna get on the hideous travesty called a "lace-front" but let me just say that a weave can be your best friend so treat her well.

When you take your trip to the hair store you should allot about 45-60mins for this trip, choosing the right weave should not be rushed, after all you have to live with this new hair for atleast a month. Anyway, that Chinese/Korean muthafucka will try to sell you ANYTHING, mainly the most expensive type of hair, pay him no mind, he doesn't know the shit about black hair but how to make money off of it & rape your pockets. Weave is just like clothes: just bc they make it in your hair color does not mean it looks good on you so make sure you take the hair out of the package and place it up to ur hair and look in a mirror to make sure it matches not only the color of your hair but the texture as well, this is a critical part in the weave selection process. A rule of thumb that should be used when trying to pick out the perfect hair is identify the texture of your own hair when its washed and blown out without grease or oil added, then find the weave that matches that state of your hair the best.

STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM SYNTHETIC HAIR ughhhhh having synthetic weave automatically puts you in the bum bitch category, no shade but that IS the shade. Essentially Remy hair is suppose to be the best(most expensive) packaged hair but this is not always the case. Just bc its Remy does not mean it will blend well with your hair type. I get so tired of bitchez mentioning that "this is Remy" like it makes it okay for your edges to not match that "Remy". IDGAF if its Remy or Princess, if it doesnt match your hair its not for you so shut that Remy shit up, Remy is not a stamp of approval that automatically excludes you for the bum bitch category. After all you prolly spent your rent money on that Remy smh SHADE. I buy my hair by the ounce from a place called Lugos which is the BEST. You can pick the texture, color, length, and even get colors and textures mixed if you want. Packaged hair, not even Remy, doesnt have shit on it but thats just my opinion, heres the website if you care www.lugohair.com

The next step in the weave process is finding somebody to install it. YES i mean "install" bc it entails that only a PROFESSIONAL should do it, #deathto kitchen jobs. Im all for saving money nshit but having Kiki from up the street do it in her mother's kitchen just bc she thought about cosmetology school does not make her fit to do your hair, im just saying. Your weave should be sewed in NEVER glued. STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM WEAVE GLUE, it is Satan reincarnated in liquid form, & smells like SHIT. If you constantly glue your weaves in you will not have any hair, i repeat YOU WILL BE BALD AS FUCK, you might as well just wax your scalp bc every time you take that glue out ur ripping sum of your hair out and theres a good chance that it will not grow back if you are constantly putting that strain on it.

There is science to doing weaves and i like to think of myself as a weave connoisseur - bitch i know a good weave job when i see one. When the wind blows, a track should not fall out of place, ur shit should be laid riiiight, having bitchez gaggin cuz your "real" hair is down your back. The top of our weave should not come to a point like ur a freakin conehead or something. There is nothing worst than a shinny ass weave, it has no business on your black head *insert picture of Frankie here* If you get a curly or wet & wavy weave plz kno how to blend your hair to match that texture as well, braid, twist, curl, crimp, do whatever you have to do to make your hair that texture, it is unacceptable to just gel your real hair back and expect that to work, you look dumb and dirty especially bc half of yall use that black gel that crusts up and leaves black residue all over ur ears and edges ughhh GAG

Last but not least, PLEASE take care of your weave. After its put in is not the end, in fact its the beginning. Weave maintenance is a MUST. Wash it often, just take care of it as if its growing out of your scalp. Dirty weaves = a dirty pussy PERIOD. If you do not know how to take care of your own hair dont get a weave and expect it to grow arms and comb itself bc you will look like a fool smh invest in a weave brush and brush that bitch OFTEN, your hair should not look like a bird's nest. And bitchez yall are dead wrong for allowing your "friends" to roam the streets looking a WHOLE mess. Tracks should not be showing and her real hair should not be sticking up like antennas smh i can go all day on this topic but to conclude weave isnt for everybody but like they say if you cant grow it sew it but at least sew sum realistic shit onto your scalp.

no shade...